Chasing the suspect made me feel really tired and old.
I came home at around 4 in the morning. Running after that fat, Greek asshole reminded me that I have to return to my regular trainings. I used to run every second day in the morning. After my superiors decided that I have too little duties they drowned me with paper work. This not only cancelled my early training regime but I also started to smoke again. Running in the Kekosenksi forest gave me loads of strength for the whole day but since I had that time to enjoy myself Kronberg obviously didn't like it and felt I needed to spend more time in the office. And now after two years of smoking that cheap Mongolian tobacco my lungs were that of a fifty year old deduszka.
I unlocked the entrance door and with my arm pushed them. I breathed in. Once, twice and for the third time. It was her perfume that made me more relaxed than a glass of stolichnaya. I sat on the armchair where once she sat and was calming down my breath. I turned on the radio and set the frequency on 104.87 AM - there was a radio station that was hardy audible, banned by governmental restrictions and transmission being successfully muted. A guy from black market, however, managed to unblock it constructing a small device that decoded the radio frequencies. Of course it wasn't legal but once I heard the black jazz music on 104.87 AM I couldn't resist and spent my monthly salary to get that decoder. Now my favourite jazz singer was performing live one of the best standards ever composed. I loved that song. Though I didn't understand English at all every time I heard the melody it grasped my heart. I rolled another cigarette and listened to the lyrics trying to imagine what they were about.
They asked me how I knew my true love was true,
I of course replied, something here inside cannot be denied.
They said someday you'll find all who love are blind,
When your heart's on fire, you must realize,
Smoke gets in your eyes.
So I chaffed and then I gaily laughed,
To think that they could doubt my love,
Yet today, my love has flown away,
I am without my love.
Now laughing friends deride tears I cannot hide,
So I smile and say when a lovely flame dies,
Smoke gets in your eyes.
I came home at around 4 in the morning. Running after that fat, Greek asshole reminded me that I have to return to my regular trainings. I used to run every second day in the morning. After my superiors decided that I have too little duties they drowned me with paper work. This not only cancelled my early training regime but I also started to smoke again. Running in the Kekosenksi forest gave me loads of strength for the whole day but since I had that time to enjoy myself Kronberg obviously didn't like it and felt I needed to spend more time in the office. And now after two years of smoking that cheap Mongolian tobacco my lungs were that of a fifty year old deduszka.
I unlocked the entrance door and with my arm pushed them. I breathed in. Once, twice and for the third time. It was her perfume that made me more relaxed than a glass of stolichnaya. I sat on the armchair where once she sat and was calming down my breath. I turned on the radio and set the frequency on 104.87 AM - there was a radio station that was hardy audible, banned by governmental restrictions and transmission being successfully muted. A guy from black market, however, managed to unblock it constructing a small device that decoded the radio frequencies. Of course it wasn't legal but once I heard the black jazz music on 104.87 AM I couldn't resist and spent my monthly salary to get that decoder. Now my favourite jazz singer was performing live one of the best standards ever composed. I loved that song. Though I didn't understand English at all every time I heard the melody it grasped my heart. I rolled another cigarette and listened to the lyrics trying to imagine what they were about.
They asked me how I knew my true love was true,
I of course replied, something here inside cannot be denied.
They said someday you'll find all who love are blind,
When your heart's on fire, you must realize,
Smoke gets in your eyes.
4.20 AM and I still didn't want to go to the bed. I don't remember when last time I slept the whole eight hours. Every time I look at my bed it doesn't at all invites me to lie down. The recurrent dream of being chased is driving me crazy. In every single dream I struggle to survive in the warzone, fighting with the insurgents. I can see their masked with scarves faces revealing only eyes, sharp and persistent. I admire their courage, their dauntless perseverance to fight for their cause. But I have to fight back, shooting at randomly moving people, trying to avoid being shot and aiming at the white scarf men. We chase each other between the buildings, run after the prey like once we played hide and seek as children. The only reason is that now we don't do it for fun. Now is the fucking politics that makes us kill each other. Once friends from the neighbourhood we take sides and reach for the kalashnikov. The greed and stupidity of the government is something that will never stop to amaze me. I feel I belong to the revolutionaries. Sovnarkom is a bunch of dick-heads and rabbits who look after a warm hole to hide in. Kronberg, you are only an "ispudnyj zajec" postponing your hunters to kill you.
So I chaffed and then I gaily laughed,
To think that they could doubt my love,
Yet today, my love has flown away,
I am without my love.
Now laughing friends deride tears I cannot hide,
So I smile and say when a lovely flame dies,
Smoke gets in your eyes.
One of the insurgents has her eyes. The white scarf covers her face but her eyes are looking at me. Our eyes meet for a second, just a second but it is long enough for me to realize that what she is fighting for is for her raison d'etre, "razumnyje osnowanje". The time stops, we still continue to look into the eyes and in this minute I realize that standing with my AK-47 and chasing after a group of insurgents is the most stupid thing I can do in life. I was aiming at her but in this second I lower the gun and amazed keep staring at her, mesmerized. I realize that only that girl who is so severely fighting for the lost cause, with such determination is the only person whom I could trust fully and sacrifice my time. The time gave to me from god I could give it to her, because nothing can be more worth than sacrificing your life to someone who is led by the truth.
In this very moment she lifts her handgun Nagant, aims at me and shoots. Again, smoke gets into my eyes.
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