Of the steer and the sailor

Lacerda again:
It was an ominous dream I had last night. During the flight on an unidentified plane to an unidentified destination, the passengers observed that the plane flies surprisingly low, not increasing its altitude but as if trying to squeeze through buildings and shyly passing under bridges. No one had any doubts about it: we were going to crash! Most of the passengers already screamed about it in their minds - I could feel their pressure on my nervous system; their thought-aching idea of burning bodies trapped in this plane-cage. Strangely enough there appeared a thought: maybe there is a chance of surviving? There are cases of a miraculous plane-wreck. Maybe believing strongly enough will do the salvation?
I found myself between two worlds, split-minded, semi-crashed but also semi-saved. My thoughts were driven by a current situation in which I found myself: I waited for a positive or negative answer regarding a job. Either I will crash getting the negative response or I will go for it receiving a green light. What I also wanted to do was to find a third alternative: the emergency exit. A parachute in the form of self-funding myself; a one-man running business that would prevent me from being dependent from anyone who could steer my actions. I wanted to be the plane and be at the steering wheel at the same time. No longer dependent on a superior, no longer relying on his decisions or mercy. I wanted to be in charge!