It's closing to 5 in the morning.
I feel that my eyes are heavy as a truck loaded with lead but my mind ran beserk tonight. I cannot sleep, I am still thinking about it. I fucking cannot sleep. I cannot sleep, fucking sleep ...
"The suspect ran away! You fucked it up! You are guilty of tonight's murders! You moron, who told you you can work with men, here? Go back to your office work, you white-collar idiot!" I could still hear the voice of Kronberg shouting at me when he learnt that that night I recognized the murderer but lost him on the street.
I turned on the radio. I tried to tune it to some music but instead a metallic voice of a radio speaker was annoucing that recently had been riots on the street in the Jewish quarter. They of course didn't provide what the source of the outbreak was. They knew it but maybe didn't want to escalate the problem. And the problem was between Jews and Poles or between those who know how to earn money and those who cannot stand that someone is better than them. Poles envied Jews that they are able to earn better money than the settled Polish community. What a pity. Poor, fucking Poles didn't prosper as good as the expats who were determined to work their way on the new land. People who appreciated every customer, knew how to handle them and even if they didn't want to purchase things they knew how to turn them on. Poles just complained about it between themselves and didn't do anything to change their attitude towards the customer. They were more stupid than a mule. Their foolish pride couldn't let them free from thinking other way.
But of course there were Jews who begged for money on the street. Only the elite ruled the Lovozero oblast. The Russian Jews knew how to handle authority among them. They grew stronger and more powerful but lacked humility. Their own greed lost them. They disregarded the fact that the sheer hostility of Poles can lead them to give up everything thy had earned. The most powerful argument for it was that they came here, they were expats on the foreign land. Not their land. It was enough for people to start talking behind their backs. Jews didn't react to it, so people went further and disrespected the newcomers. And with disrespect appeared hostility towards the Jews. In each case people need enemy, so they can unite in face of real danger, in face of one target. Beacuse alone they feel weak and unimportant but together they can show their teeth and feel powerful, feel they have the authority to oppress someone, to put shoes in someone's house, to barge in and take possessions, to feel better, more powerful, more important.
Take an example, backer Jozef Walidroga. He is a good backer, his pastries are famous among the people in the oblast. However, Jozef wanted more. He craved for something which his ego dictated him to do. He didn't want to bake bread all his life. His wife assured him he is a good husband, his children look up to him. He just wanted more. A small Józef, Józio, inside him woke him up suddenly and demaneded more. Józio demanded to be treated with even more dignity, with even more nobility. If Józef Walidroga went to the bank to make a money tranfer he didn't want the customer assistant to take care of him. Józio demanded Józef to be put through to the bank manager and to deal with the matters directly through "more important person". If Józef Walidroga had a fever Józio demanded to send for the hospital consultant in order to prescribe some medicine. From that moment Józio ruled Józef.
But what was I thinking of ? Ah yes, I've been searching for a good music on the radio. I turned the knob and was skipping the hum of the radio waves. Still searching, still looking for the right mood. Finally I came across a tune that I remember from my childhood. It was Satie's Gnossienne 1.
I feel that my eyes are heavy as a truck loaded with lead but my mind ran beserk tonight. I cannot sleep, I am still thinking about it. I fucking cannot sleep. I cannot sleep, fucking sleep ...
"The suspect ran away! You fucked it up! You are guilty of tonight's murders! You moron, who told you you can work with men, here? Go back to your office work, you white-collar idiot!" I could still hear the voice of Kronberg shouting at me when he learnt that that night I recognized the murderer but lost him on the street.
I turned on the radio. I tried to tune it to some music but instead a metallic voice of a radio speaker was annoucing that recently had been riots on the street in the Jewish quarter. They of course didn't provide what the source of the outbreak was. They knew it but maybe didn't want to escalate the problem. And the problem was between Jews and Poles or between those who know how to earn money and those who cannot stand that someone is better than them. Poles envied Jews that they are able to earn better money than the settled Polish community. What a pity. Poor, fucking Poles didn't prosper as good as the expats who were determined to work their way on the new land. People who appreciated every customer, knew how to handle them and even if they didn't want to purchase things they knew how to turn them on. Poles just complained about it between themselves and didn't do anything to change their attitude towards the customer. They were more stupid than a mule. Their foolish pride couldn't let them free from thinking other way.
But of course there were Jews who begged for money on the street. Only the elite ruled the Lovozero oblast. The Russian Jews knew how to handle authority among them. They grew stronger and more powerful but lacked humility. Their own greed lost them. They disregarded the fact that the sheer hostility of Poles can lead them to give up everything thy had earned. The most powerful argument for it was that they came here, they were expats on the foreign land. Not their land. It was enough for people to start talking behind their backs. Jews didn't react to it, so people went further and disrespected the newcomers. And with disrespect appeared hostility towards the Jews. In each case people need enemy, so they can unite in face of real danger, in face of one target. Beacuse alone they feel weak and unimportant but together they can show their teeth and feel powerful, feel they have the authority to oppress someone, to put shoes in someone's house, to barge in and take possessions, to feel better, more powerful, more important.
Take an example, backer Jozef Walidroga. He is a good backer, his pastries are famous among the people in the oblast. However, Jozef wanted more. He craved for something which his ego dictated him to do. He didn't want to bake bread all his life. His wife assured him he is a good husband, his children look up to him. He just wanted more. A small Józef, Józio, inside him woke him up suddenly and demaneded more. Józio demanded to be treated with even more dignity, with even more nobility. If Józef Walidroga went to the bank to make a money tranfer he didn't want the customer assistant to take care of him. Józio demanded Józef to be put through to the bank manager and to deal with the matters directly through "more important person". If Józef Walidroga had a fever Józio demanded to send for the hospital consultant in order to prescribe some medicine. From that moment Józio ruled Józef.
But what was I thinking of ? Ah yes, I've been searching for a good music on the radio. I turned the knob and was skipping the hum of the radio waves. Still searching, still looking for the right mood. Finally I came across a tune that I remember from my childhood. It was Satie's Gnossienne 1.
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